Tag Archives: bodyshaming

Pretty, fat

So I am basing this on the above image. This image is an argument that i have been having over the years, both directly and indirectly.

You see, the comeback to announcing that you are fat is ‘..but your pretty..’ Not every time, and maybe the wording is slightly different, but the intention is the same. I know some of you will not use the word fat as it is not fair to label people. And honestly, I commend your postive action. I am not merely a fat girl. I am more that what I present to the world or rather the first impression that I leave. However, please don’t stop me from using it. If I am using it to describe myself – it is what i need to do.

You see, as per the other posts, being told that you are not fat, you are perfectly fine, you have nothing to worry about. These are damaging things to say to a person. What you see in the mirror is completely different to what others see. I might think that I am not too fat, but I then stand next to a slender friend and what can I say? I am fat.

I am going to keep using the word. Fat. It is important and empowering. By using the word, I am giving it meaning, and strength but I am also owning it. I am fat and I am the only person who can do something about it.

Telling someone that they are pretty when they are discussing their weight, shape or dress size is extremely unhelpful. Have they asked about how they look, have they dropped a hint about wanting a compliment? Or are they just having a moment of clarity or honesty. Are they explaining why they don’t want to have a slice of cake, or that they won’t be joining drinks after work, or why they have switched to a packed lunch.

If someone is making changes, by all means take an interest but make sure that you don’t make a big deal about it. If someone is trying to make a change, having a spotlight shone can be damaging and their motivation or willpower can evaporate. Swinging words around like diet, likewise can be unhelpful. Don’t start wading in with some magic pill that worked for you, because it worked for you. It may not work for someone else. And be aware of why someone is making lifestyle choices. Often we are given ‘quick fixes’ we are told how to drop a dress size, or lose a couple of stubborn pounds.

What is most helpful, is being honest. Not to the point of rudeness. Don’t start expressing that a person shouldn’t be having that snack, or wearing that dress, or asking how much they have lost. If someone says they are fat, let them use the word. Lets not sugar coat it. It is a word, and an explanation. I personally, am carrying too much fat on my body. Until this has been resolved, I am fat.

To summarize, I am fat, I am pretty. These are not mutually exclusive terms. It would be better if we could all learn to separate the two.

Too old to tattoo ?

One thing that I keep hearing is ‘thing you shouldn’t do when you are XXXXX….’ you are always, too old, to big, to small, too talk, too male.. too female.

On my way into work this morning, I was thinking about a tattoo that I have wanted to get done for the longest time. I can’t afford it. I can’t justify it. I just. Can’t. It is a lot of money, not saying that it isn’t worth it, and I would want to get it done well.

tattoomeme2

However, I then realised that to a degree, tattoos, and a lot of body modification has a sell by date, a best before date. Getting them done after a certain age, is … well… a midlife crisis I guess? 

We all see the ‘we will be awesome as grandparents’ memes. We are positive saying, hey you know that permanent modification to your body? It will still look amazing when you are in your 70’s. Own that shit. Work it girl. 

tattoo

But again, we are being positive about things done while younger. When it comes to being in your thirties, or older, there are still social expectations. You should be responsible. Have a house, married, 2.4 children. a good job. Responsible. And responsible people don’t get a full back tattoo. Or a sleeve. Or anything…. that may be seen to be against the norm. Because to a degree, as normalised tattoos and other body modification is, it is still seen to a degree as rebellion. Although what exactly you are rebelling against is up for debate. 

I am debating this, because it went through my head and I honestly don’t know the answer. While tattoos are becoming more accepted, it still comes with a degree of, you did it while you were younger, you have since changed and grown up. Or you are very much still living an ‘alternative’ life and there really doesn’t seem to be a middle ground.

tattoo-memes-7

Is it also, the point when you hit a certain age, the relationships will have been formed, generally speaking. So doing something like getting a massive thigh tattoo might be considered out of character rather than just a good investment. Or something you now have a disposable income for… because you know, house, kids etc. 

So I guess there really is no answer to this, if you want to get covered head to toe for you 45th because you have the means to do it…. go for it. Want to try out body mods? Why not. It isn’t that you have suddenly have a personality transplant. It is more, that you have finally been able to justify it.

tattoo-memes-1

FOR THE GLORY OF MAKEUP

Yeah no secret, I love makeup, it allows me to not have one, not two.. but many faces. I enjoy creating new looks, I love special effects makeups, I adore a challenge and being inspired by a new wig.

None of which is news to you.

But something that keeps cropping up and … I know i have bought it up before. Instead of people appreciating it as an art, you have comments about how too much makeup is employed, or how a person doesn’t need makeup, as they are pretty enough, asking for makeup free photos.

makeup1

One example is Ursula Goff who shared photos on her I.G account which was picked up in this article – not entirely sure I agree that it is refreshing that she is happy to share photos. It does imply that there is some expectation on people in the spotlight, or otherwise to share all their sides… that nothing should be left private. But also to women to go natural or be brave enough to bear their faces. It doesn’t ease pressure, rather it will add pressure.

makeup4

People wear makeup for very different reasons, and it is both insulting and naive to assume that women are wearing makeup to cover themselves because they don’t feel beautiful. I cant’t speak for all women, but I wear makeup to become someone, so when I am at work, I put my ‘game face’ on – I am old enough to have been schooled in what looks professional. So let us call it my ‘professional’ face. I don’t often wear makeup at the weekend or when I am on holiday, frankly I am lazy, and my skin does need a break. But equally, give me a reason to throw paint at my face, I am your girl. I love dressing up so I spend a fair portion of my free time experimenting. It is no different than having a work wardrobe, a dossing abound the house, but not wearing PJ’s wardrobe, a going out wardrobe. So yes, it is about confidence. But don’t ever mix a woman’s perception of her own beauty is solely tied to her self confidence. We are much more complex.

A while a go I came accross a makeup artist, Nikkie Tutorials who was getting berated to the point she released a ‘no makeup’ photo for people – which of course led to people commenting on her looks.. without makeup .. ever get the feeling you won’t win? Nikki regularly shares video where you can see every step of the transformation. I understand the interest in what people look like, it helps you work out the steps, you can see how much when into the transformation, and it is interesting.

makeup2

And then there is a friend of mine who recently happened to comment on a thread on a facebook page which has nothing to do with makeup, or wigs. And yet people jumped on her, commenting on how much makeup she wears, her hair (a wig – an awesome one at that) and making some personal comments. I find it bad enough when strangers insist on passing comment or judgement on people in the public eye but to do it, unprovoked, and unwarranted? What makes a person think they have the right to make these comments? Would you walk up to a complete stranger in the street and pick apart their outfit?

I shared a video a couple of days ago on my page, a teenaged burn victim who has learnt how to use makeup to great effect to disguise the scars. But the important message she relays in her short video is that we should all be happy in our own skin. 

makeup5

Makeup is AMAZING – I adore make up, I love how different it makes me look, and feel, how it helps me change up my look so often, so that I can not even recognise myself. It is my choice to wear makeup, no one should feel forced to prove anything, makeup is a mask. It is one of many masks we all wear for various reasons and doesn’t make us liars, or responsible for men thinking our eye lids and naturally glittery. 

ENJOY THE ART PEOPLE!

makeup3